the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
