my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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