I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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