i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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