Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
