they need to just BURY HIM!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
