You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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