Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
