Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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