how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
