just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
