I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
