There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
