On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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