pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize