is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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