I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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