I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
