you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
