The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize