what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
