dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
