btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
