Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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