when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
