My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
