Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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