I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
