sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
