i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
