Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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