I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you will always have a special place in my vag
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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