i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
