I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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