Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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