I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize