So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
