yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
