since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
