i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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