I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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