I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
