Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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