The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
