I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
