you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
