I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
