Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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