He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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