i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it glows. i had to have it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
