too bad you live with your parents still
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
