help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
