Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
