he wants to bone in the snuggie
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
