There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
