Hey man sorry I got all grabby
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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