my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
