I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
