hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
