I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
