I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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