the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
