At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize