Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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