he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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