Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
