I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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