North Korea, Best Korea!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
