We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
