Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
