its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize