yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
