I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
