WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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