i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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