KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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